Tuesday, March 14, 2006well. lots of things happened since the last time i blogged. let's see.
i dont know if this is a good thing but i really enjoyed the way worship was done on sunday. although it was just the clavi and the guit, somehow i felt that that was really all that we need. in fact i guess even a single instrument would be sufficient for worship. the absence of the drums didnt make me feel like anything was absent at all. i dont know. it just seems like i think differently from many people. perceptions. the recruitment's on for the w&m ministry. the announcement was interested people should look for andrew or chewy but at the end of it all they started giving everyone a form each. like huh? oh well. i was asking andrew and chewy whether they had withdrawal forms. guess chewy thought i was joking. andrew said it's a lifetime committment or smth like that. sigh. i'm not joking.
spent half the day yesterday with the 3js. met up with them for sakae buffet. guess we all ate our money's worth. john left when josh arrived. and after dinner we decided to take a walk and find somewhere else to talk. so yup we ended up at esplanade and we talked a lot i guess. considering our schedules and stuff it's hard to find such time where we can all talk abt stuff. so we found a spot by the river and talked. by far i guess the 3 of us are the closest in the sense that we talk quite often. ok we try to catch up with one another. it really helps when you talk about stuff and you know that someone's listening. my cell's getting smaller as time goes by. it's quite sad to see people leaving. it's a struggle. josh and i are pretty saddened by that fact. we were talking abt it last night and among the close people in the cell, it's just left with the two of us. so we're basically just encouraging each other every week. it helps in a way or another i guess.
talked to lois last night and boy we really think alike. talked a lot abt church. it's just so messy. it was nice talking to her and hearing her views which are similar to mine and it's just amazing at how josh lois and i think the same way for the second time. the church has a focus. the ministry has one too. but the sad thing is we always tend not to be focused on the focus. trying to bring in salvations but not providing the platform for them to grow is not helping much. so what if we bring in the people? are we helping them to grow? if people in church are not even growing then what can we expect? one by one they're all gonna leave. but then again it's really hard to make people understand cos our level of maturity is all different. people are introduced to the faith and that's it. not everyone gets the point i'm trying to drive at. i have issues that i really have to clear. it's just so different playing now from then. in fact it's been a struggle for me. maybe it's really time that i should take a break. the team i'm in may be the envy of others. but having been together for two years, we havent been growing spiritually. technically we may have improved but is that all that matters? it really seems so. it's so difficult to put the point across. and now with all the new people who are gonna come in anytime, the situation's gonna be worse. i dont want to play for the sake of playing anymore. it's been such a struggle recently. i miss that period when i stopped for a while because of my o's. it's a world of difference, trust me. being a worshipper without having to bother abt anything else. it's really hard to raise issues cos it's hard to get someone to listen and yet understand the situation. i fear i have lost the joy of playing.
i am longing just to see, Your power and Your majesty..
